Tell Him
by momac
Summary: An unexpected gift leads to a long overdue confession
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer – Sorry folks I'm sure we all know this bit off by heart. I own nothing; Paramount owns everything except the words on this page. I am making absolutely no money from this and still I spend hours slaving over it … hmmm now why does that equation not add up! 

Summary – An unexpected gift leads to a long overdue confession

Rating – J/C General

Tell Him

© Momac 2003

Prologue  
  
Captain's Ready Room  
Stardate 54714.3  
  
  
'Repeat that last section for me again, Commander. For a moment I thought you said that all systems were running at optimum efficiency.'  
  
Chakotay grinned at the wary expression his commanding officer directed his way.  
  
'…And our supply situation?'  
  
'The Frey were very generous. Neelix was forced to offload a substantial  
proportion of Leola Root to make room for the various foodstuffs we were  
able to acquire.'  
  
Voyager's first officer watched as his Captain absorbed the significance of this latest development. His patience was finally rewarded as the corners of her mouth tugged upwards in a weak imitation of a smile. It wasn't much but it was an improvement on the black cloud that seemed to have been following her around for the past week.  
  
'The Council?'  
  
'Have offered us free passage through their sector.'  
  
The smile grew, chasing away the lines of worry that had taken up residence around her eyes.  
  
'Now all we need is for Neelix to report that he's found a limitless supply  
of coffee and my day will be complete.'  
  
'Funny you should say that.'  
  
Chakotay's grin blossomed into a full-blown smirk as he slowly revealed the cup Neelix had pressed into his hands prior to his meeting that morning. Kathryn's smile vanished, her gaze flying up to meet that of her first officer as he placed the precious cup in front of her.  
  
'This had better not be another of Mr. Paris's little jokes. You, of all  
people, should know that I never joke about coffee!'  
  
Reaching forward Chakotay slipped the lid from the cup and waited with  
baited breath for the unmistakable aroma of roasted coffee beans to fill the air.  
  
'It looks like coffee…'  
  
Kathryn reached over, cradling the cup in her hands.  
  
'It certainly smells like coffee...'  
  
Unable to resist any longer, she raised the steaming cup to her mouth and  
sipped tentatively at the liquid contained within.  
  
'Oh god!'  
  
A look of rapture lit up Kathryn's face as she swallowed a second mouthful, followed at a more leisurely rate by a third and a fourth.  
  
'Would it be safe to inform Neelix that it tastes like coffee as well?'  
  
The amused tone of Chakotay's voice earned him a half-hearted glare.  
  
'Quiet, Commander...I'm having an epiphany!'  
  
Chakotay watched as she drained the cup, filing the moment away with all the other images of her that had, over the years, found their way into his heart. But even in the midst of her rapture he was aware of a lingering  
tension in the lines around her eyes. Concern coloured his voice as he  
revealed the final ace up his sleeve.  
  
'The best part is that the Frey consider the plant that produced the beans  
to be a weed and would be delighted if we were to rid them of their  
infestation. Naturally I said we'd be happy to oblige.'  
  
The fourth smile in as many minutes greeted his words but its effects were  
short lived, as worry lines once again reasserted themselves. Forcing  
herself to relax Kathryn savoured her drink, the effects of which were even  
now racing through her system with the familiarity of an old friend. But  
try as she might, no amount of coffee could silence the little voice that  
had been whispering in her ear for the past week warning of trouble lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce on her the moment she let her guard down.  
  
Little did she know that at that exact moment, in an alternate reality far,  
far away an old adversary was about to set in motion a chain of events that would force her to re-evaluate the parameters she'd come to rely on.  
  
  
  
Chapter One  
  
The classroom was shrouded in darkness, silent save for the scrape of chalk dancing across the blackboard, its path mapped out by the invisible hand that held it firmly within in its grasp.

  
_There was a young wizard named Billy,  
Who developed a wart on his…  
  
_  
'Peeves!'  
  
The chalk hit the floor with a crack, shattering into a cloud of white dust  
on impact. Startled, Peeves whirled around, a stream of colourful  
expletives pouring from his lips as he expressed his displeasure at the  
unwelcome intrusion.  
  
Professor Minerva McGonagal glowered briefly at the translucent figure  
hovering before her, before dismissing it with a wave of her hand, her  
attention returning to the unfortunate student squirming by her side.  
  
'Mr. Longbottom...I believe an explanation is in order!'  
  
Intrigued by the scene unfolding before him Peeves drifted closer, his face  
alight with glee as he watched the unfortunate boy stumble over his words.  
  
'Oh, ikle first year been a naughty boy!'  
  
With hindsight he should have remained silent.  
  
'You...Out!'  
  
The words flew at him; displacing the air around him and causing him to bob up and down like a duck on water. With a last smirk at the hapless  
Longbottom, Peeves, Hogwart's resident poltergeist, turned on his tail and  
sailed through the wall, his thoughts already focused on creating further  
mischief.  
  
However, not even he could have expected an opportunity to present itself quite so quickly, for there, lying forgotten on the floor of the corridor  
outside was a small crystal globe.  
  
Longbottom's remembral!  
  
A devious smile crossed the face of the being that answered to many names depending upon the dimension or reality he was infesting at the time. Holding out his hand he watched impassively as the sphere rose from its hiding place and floated towards him, the light from nearby candles illuminating the delicate patterns carved into its surface.  
  
'Well, well, well…what do we have here?'  
  
Q regarded the orb with interest, watching amused as the globe remained crystal clear…an infallible memory just one of the countless benefits of being a superior being. Quickly tiring of the trinket he was about to toss it aside when a stray thought blew through his mind, tickling his warped sense of humour. He had no use for a memory aid, but a certain extremely stubborn bipedal female who, due to the limits placed on her by her inferior intelligence, was at this very moment blundering around in the Delta Quadrant might find a use for it.  
  
Amused by the possibilities presented by his find, Q clicked his fingers and  
waited impatiently for the walls of Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and  
Wizardry to be replaced by the dreary grey beloved of Starfleet designers…  
  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Ready Room  
Stardate 54714.4  
  
  
Kathryn Janeway, Commanding Officer of the U.S.S Voyager strode across her ready room, her recently reinstated morning coffee momentarily forgotten as she glared at the parcel lying in the centre of her desk. Wrapped in gold paper and tied with a delicate silver ribbon, it sat there…the picture of innocence…waiting for trembling fingers to pull back the layers of tissue to reveal the treasure lurking within.  
  
Kathryn wasn't fooled.  
  
A piece of parchment peeped out from under the bow, her name boldly  
displayed in a handwriting she was becoming distressingly familiar with.  
Moving with caution she picked the note up quickly scanning the message, her eyes darting back to the parcel as if expecting it to attack her the moment her attention was diverted.

  
  
**_'Dearest Cathy, consider this remembral a little thank you for your work with Q jnr. I won't confuse your feeble mind with details… suffice it to say that if the orb changes colour when you hold it then you'll know that your inferior memory has let you down again.'  
  
Q_**

  
Muttering quietly to herself Kathryn relieved the parcel of its delicate  
layers of wrapping paper, her eyes widening as she pushed the last piece of tissue paper aside to reveal the globe nestled inside. Clear as glass, it  
appeared to glow in the artificial lighting of the ready room. Initially  
cool to the touch, the orb quickly absorbed the warmth from her palm,  
stunning her into silence as the mists released from deep within it turned a  
deep shade of crimson...  


Chapter Three  
  
The Bridge  
U.S.S. Voyager  
Stardate 54716.6  


  
'Remember to take shore leave when the opportunity arises…  
Remember to … damn it…there's nothing left to remember!'  
  
Kathryn shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she glared at the orb in her  
hand, her eyes following the progress of the blood red clouds blossoming  
within it. It had been two days since Q's mysterious gift had materialised  
on the desk in her ready room. Two days since she'd been able to relax, her every waking thought bent towards eliminating that tell-tale splash of  
colour that appeared every time she held the orb. Their continuing run of  
good fortune had ensured that she'd had ample opportunity to indulge her obsession. Unfortunately she appeared no closer to solving the puzzle than she had been when she first picked the damned thing up.  
  
'Perhaps it's broken?'  
  
Tom Paris shot her a hopeful grin as he effortlessly guided Voyager through yet another of the minor asteroid fields that littered their path through this region of space.  
  
'Unlikely as it may seem there is some logic to Mr. Paris's suggestion,  
Captain.' Tuvok looked up from the console he'd been manning to stare at the offending object. 'Perhaps I could be of assistance.'  
  
Strangely reluctant to part company with her tormentor, Kathryn hesitated a moment before handing it over. Her worst fears were confirmed as within seconds of coming into contact with Tuvok's hand the mist dissolved.  
  
'Then again…' Tuvok's voice was impassive as he handed the orb back,  
'...perhaps not.'  



	2. Chapter 2

Tell Him

Chapter Four  
  
Deck 3  
Turbolift  
Stardate 54717.5  
  
'Captain!'  
  
'Damn!'  
  
Just a few minutes more and she would have made it to the relative sanctuary of her ready room. Instead, she frowned as the doors of the turbolift changed direction, opening wide to admit the one person she had been attempting to avoid for the better part of the day. Resigned to her fate, Kathryn schooled her expression into one of polite enquiry and moved aside to allow the Doctor to enter.  
  
The seeds of a headache planted themselves in her brain as she watched him advance upon her, data padd in hand and a particularly smug expression plastered across his face.  
  
'Just the person I wanted to see.'  
  
'Is there a problem?'  
  
Kathryn frowned as she cast her mind over the medical report the Doctor had submitted earlier. A few minor ailments aside there was little to give  
real cause for concern. A comment Chakotay had made at the time about the devil and idle hands came flooding back to her, reinforcing the sense of impending doom that had descended on her the moment she heard the Doctor's voice.  
  
'Not at all, Captain. I simply wanted to remind you that I'll be expecting  
your company in sickbay at 0900 tomorrow for your annual medical.'  
  
The words 'annual medical' and 'tomorrow' set off an impressive drum beat inside her head, a fact that did not go un-noticed by her companion who took advantage of her momentary distraction to press the data padd containing her revised schedule into her hand.  
  
'I see you've double booked both myself and the Commander for 0900 tomorrow.' Kathryn's frown deepened as she forced her eyes to focus on the information displayed on the data padd's view screen. 'Isn't that a little optimistic…even for a man of your many talents?'  
  
The Doctor sighed dramatically, deliberately misinterpreting her question.  
'My thoughts exactly, Captain. At least this way I won't be left twiddling  
my thumbs should any unexpected situations arise to prevent you from keeping your appointment.'  
  
Kathryn's reply was interrupted, somewhat fortuitously, by a query from the  
computer as to their destination.  
  
It was the Doctor who answered, his self-satisfied smile reminding Kathryn,  
not for the first time, of the Cheshire cat from Naomi's 'Alice in  
Wonderland' holonovel. Unfortunately, it appeared unlikely that the Doctor was about to disappear into thin air anytime soon.  
  
Turning her attention back to the data padd, Kathryn scrolled quickly to the end of the schedule, pressing her thumb against the appropriate part of the screen when requested to acknowledge receipt of the amendments. She was about to return the padd to the Doctor when she realised that the revised schedule wasn't the only document contained within its memory.  
  
'Computer, halt turbolift.'  
  
'Is there a problem, Captain?'  
  
It was obvious from the deliberately neutral tone of his voice that the list  
she'd stumbled across had been the real reason behind their present  
conversation. A quick glance at the first few suggestions was sufficient  
to upgrade her headache to that of a full-blown migraine.  
  
'What, exactly, is this?'  
  
The Doctor looked across at her, an expression of mild surprise on his face.  
  
'I would have thought that was obvious.' He glanced down at the list in  
question before continuing. 'As chief medical officer it is my duty to  
monitor both the physical and mental health of every member of the crew. It has become increasingly apparent that your pre-occupation with Q's latest offering is beginning to adversely affect both your work and your health, a state of affairs I cannot allow to continue.'  
  
'Who the...'  
  
He held up a hand to silence her objections, '…For that reason I took it  
upon myself to compile a list of suggestions with the aim of stimulating  
your memory and bringing the matter to a satisfactory conclusion.'  
  
'I must remember to attend my annual medical at 0900 tomorrow.'  
  
Kathryn worked her way down the list, unsure whether to laugh, cry or  
decompile his program on the spot.  
  
'I must remember to sleep at least 5 hours a night.'  
'I must remember to limit my coffee intake to 3 cups a day.'  
'I must remember to attend my annual medical at 0900 tomorrow.'  
  
The Doctor smiled benevolently at her, '…I thought that one merited  
repeating.'  
  
'I must remember to eat something other than coffee ice cream.'  
'I must remember to adhere to the Doctor's advice regarding shore leave and on-board recreational activities.'  
'I must remember to attend my annual medical…'  


Chapter Five

Captain's Quarters  
Stardate 54714.9

'Computer...dim lights by 50%'

Exhaustion blurred her words, forcing Kathryn to repeat her request before the computer would comply. The reduced illumination, coupled with the hypospray she'd liberated from sickbay while the Doctor was temporarily offline finally combined to offer her a measure of relief from the stabbing pain that had taken up residence inside her skull.

What had started out as a mild irritant had blossomed over the past few hours until she would have sworn that someone was sticking needles into her head. The ghost of a smile tugged at her lips at the irony behind that particular analogy. If her memory served her correctly, the last time she'd felt this bad someone had, quite literally, been sticking needles into her head!

Amused despite herself Kathryn dragged her aching body in the direction of her bedroom, her thoughts already focused on the fragrant waters she intend to submerge herself in.

As she passed her desk she paused for a moment to discard the hoard of data padds she'd accumulated during the course of the day. Exhaustion dulled her reflexes leaving her to watch helplessly as the precariously balanced pile lost its battle with gravity and came crashing down, the noise echoing loudly in the darkness. Lacking the motivation to do more than simply stand there, Kathryn let her gaze drift aimlessly over the mess as she debating with herself as to whether she had sufficient energy to spare to pick up the errant padds.

Her searching fingers had barely locked onto the nearest data padd when a flicker of movement off to her left distracted her. Nerves already stretched to breaking point sent her heart rate skyrocketing. It wouldn't be the first time Q had ambushed her in her quarters, and given the way her luck had been going lately it probably wouldn't be the last.

But it wasn't Q's image that was reflected back at her from the mirror on her dressing table. The hair and face were instantly recognisable, as was the uniform branded with its 4 shiny pips. It was the eyes that tore at her, sad and tired and empty...like that of a stranger.

Reaching up she fingered a rebellious grey hair, tucking it absently back behind her ear. A frown dragged at the corner of her mouth, highlighting a fine network of lines that had not been there the last time she'd looked. Laughter lines, her mother would have called them. The phrase seemed to mock her, reminding her that it had been a long time since she'd allowed herself the luxury of laughing at anything.

As she stared at the woman she'd become she heard the voices of the crew echoing inside her head. The Doctor had been only the first of many to offer his assistance during the course of the day. It seemed everyone had a comprehensive list of her shortcomings, with the notable exception of herself. Seven's list had been so extensive it had spilled over into several padds, most of them detailing various sub-clauses of the Prime Directive that she had 'forgotten' at one point or another over the past few years. Naomi on the other hand had drawn her a series of pictures to illustrate her suggestions. The colourful creations, depicting what looked suspiciously like the senior staff engaged in various activities ranging from shore leave to group hugs now graced the wall of her ready room.

Had she really changed so much?

The daily struggle for survival in the Delta Quadrant demanded all of the Captain's concentration, leaving little room for Kathryn. It was a price she had willingly paid...but for the first time she found herself mourning the woman that had been sacrificed in her determination to get this crew home.

A growing sense of frustration bubbled up inside her crying out for a target on which to vent itself. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out the orb, her eyes tracking the clouds that churned within. With a muttered curse she hurled it in the general direction of her bedroom wall, watching transfixed as it was swallowed up by the shadows, a dull thud marking the successful completion of its journey. Her anger spent Kathryn stumbled over to the bed, all thoughts of her bath forgotten as she finally succumbed to her body's demand for rest...

  
  
What am I going to do with you, Kathryn'

Alerted by the sound of the orb bouncing off their adjoining wall, Chakotay had slipped un-noticed into her quarters, his eyes widening at the sight of his commanding officer sprawled fully clothed across her bed.

Moving silently he crossed to her side, his large hands gentle as they slipped her boots from first one foot, then the other. His fingers lingered over the jacket of her uniform, unwilling to awaken her but all too aware of how uncomfortable the rigid material could be.

'Why must you always run yourself into the ground. Don't you realise I'd be lost without you?'

His whispered words echoed in the darkness. Reluctant to disturb her slumber any further yet powerless to leave her side, Chakotay reached over to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. Little more that a brush of his lips against her skin it was sufficient to rouse her from her slumber. A sleepy smile was directed his way as she turned her head to nestle into the palm of his hand.

'Kathryn?'

Disjointed words slipped from between her lips, uncensored by conscious thought.

'Must remember...tell...love...you.'

Alerted by his gasp Kathryn awoke, disturbed both by the proximity of her first officer and the startling clarity of the orb that had come to rest next to her in the centre of her bed, none the worse for wear after its collision with the wall.

'What?...'

The words sounded strained as a bemused Kathryn split her attention between the innocent looking trinket and her first officer, who was staring at her with an intensity that set her heart racing.

'You were talking in your sleep.'

'...talking?'

'...in your sleep'

He finished the sentence for her; his gaze locked onto hers as he reached out to tuck an errant strand of hair back behind her ear.

'What...' She paused for a moment, her thoughts scattering at his touch. It was then that she became aware of a growing warmth spreading through her body, warming her limbs until her very fingers tingled in something she recognised with a start as nervous anticipation.

'What... did I say?'

Chakotay's heart pounded in his ears, forcing him to lean ever closer until his breath caressed her lips.

'Guess!'

The End


End file.
